MAIKO HAAAAN!!! (2007), dir. Nobuo Mizuta

(Courtesy of Pop Culture Shock!)

The best compliment I can pay “Maiko Haaaan!!!” is that it goes beyond its initial premise, in which an obsessed otaku (Sadao Abe) attempts to infiltrate the world of geisha, which is usually reserved for wealthy and important men.

Indeed, Kimihiko Onizuka, who works as an office drone but runs his own website for all things geisha-related, starts off not belonging to either category, but two events push him up the ladder of success, slapstick-style: being transferred to Kyoto, home of Japan’s geisha district; and being subsequently rebuffed by every geisha house in town. It seems that according to tradition, one can only enter such a place accompanied by a regular, and absolutely no newcomers are allowed.

Luckily, the president of the ramen manufacturer for whom Onizuka works is such a V.I.P., and tells him if he makes lots of money for the company, Onizuka can come along on his next visit. At this point, “Maiko Haaaan!!!” could have been about its main protagonist repeatedly trying and failing to accomplish this task, but director Nobuo Mizuta and screenwriter Kankuro Kudo have something considerably more interesting in mind.

Sure, the Hand of Fate puts up a few obstacles at first, but by the midway point, Onizuka accomplishes his long-held dream of setting foot inside a geisha house. The question then becomes: What to do with the rest of the movie? In a neat twist, Onizuka decides to push himself even further and become even more successful, at which point he can date, possibly even marry a geisha, thereby experiencing their world to its fullest depth. The endeavor also allows Onizuka a chance to show up an obnoxious professional baseball player, who had previously-ridiculed him on-line. Both have their eye on the same maiko – the term for apprentice geisha.

There is also a sub-plot involving Onizuka’s ex-girlfriend, who after they have an ugly falling out, moves to Kyoto and enrolls in a geisha school herself (whether this is to win him back or get revenge is never clear). Through her perspective, which is ostensibly less fetishistic than Onizuka’s would be, the viewer gets expository information about the art form, and learns the road to becoming a traditional Japanese entertainer is not an easy one.

Overall, “Maiko Haaaan!!!” has a tone that is more wacky than serious – even when the third act introduces a highly-melodramatic subplot – and the filmmakers cram the 120-minute running time with as many hit-or-miss jokes as possible. Nevertheless, appreciating this movie means learning to tolerate the main character, whose least-annoying attributes aren’t his bowl haircut or penchant for plaid suits; rather, it’s his whole hyperactive shtick, complete with manic facial contortions and childish meltdowns, which get really old really fast, whether or not they’re stereotypical otaku behaviors.

Can otaku and geisha learn to live together in harmony? Kudo wisely decides to not make Onizuka the lone freak amidst a gallery of straight men and women, and if anything, there might be a three-way tie for most screwed-up character in the film. This is consistent with the message that reality is never quite as good as fantasy, and obtaining the object of one’s obsessions doesn’t necessarily equal happiness.

Overall rating: **1/2 (out of ****)